Please, let me fuck your mom
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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