You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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