Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
