Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
