In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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