thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
