You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do vagina's smell?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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