I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
