why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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