oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
