but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
