Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
