clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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