so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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