I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
