That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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