Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
