I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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