i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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