listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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