so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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