Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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