Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
