if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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