I like to think it a success when the cops are called
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
