ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
