if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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