I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
