So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
