The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
