The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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