I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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