life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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