If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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