If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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