oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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