You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
