Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
