he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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