Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
