Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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