If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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