I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
