beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
