It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
