i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
