You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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