If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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