Cold hands, warm shart.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream