your thong is hanging out like whoa
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
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She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue