I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo