Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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