oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
