I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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