So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
