There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
