I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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