if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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