it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
