sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
