I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize