Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
