I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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