Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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